My Dear Angel

Oh my goodness...I have been atrociously delinquent in my blogging lately. My apologies...but it was so much fun to be off in my own little introspective world while away on holidays for much of July.

Given that more rain has fallen this summer than in the past 70 or so, it was only fitting that I spend many of my holiday hours reading...again. With my personal life transitions comes an unquenchable thirst for knowledge, and what better way to suffice it than to wrap oneself in a warm blanket, snuggle into a Muskoka Chair, and dive head first (or more often heart first) into a great book.

My personal favourite, and a recommended MUST READ, is Spiritual Divorce, by Debbie Ford. Find it on Amazon.com here: http://www.amazon.com/Spiritual-Divorce-Catalyst-Extraordinary-Life/dp/0062516957 It enlightened me, literally, as it took many pounds of emotional baggage off of my heart and soul. The basic premise? How to take a bad situation and allow it to transform your life in a POSITIVE way.

Since finishing the book, my perception has changed on many different levels. Once ashamed and intrinsically tied up with the title of being separated or divorced, I now feel able to stand free from my negativity and to make the choice to see my marriage as an extraordinary gift. I thought I did before, but this book forced me to come out from hiding and it showed me that I was still tied to my old life in ways that not only were unhealthy for me, but for everyone involved.

Recently, I had the good fortune to enjoy a conversation with my ex's ex (that sounds sort of convoluted...they were together for nearly 3 years after we separated and have just recently parted ways). Although I was always very receptive and appreciative of this woman, whom I often referred to as my Angel (extraordinary doesn't even begin to cover how great she is...what an incredible gift for all of us to have a loving, nurturing female presence in the lives of my children when I couldn't be with them...to have her as a parenting partner with their dad offered me more solace than I can explain), I was refusing to acknowledge that my unhealthy relationship with my ex was like a 3rd person in their relationship. How unfair for her to have to co-exist with the ghost of me!!

How many relationships are suffering the same fate right now? The angels that come into our lives when we are wounded, scared, untrusting, defensive, callous, and skeptical...And despite our walls, they stick it out and excavate our hearts and souls from their situational prisons. Why should these people come second to the unhealthy shadow of the past? Why do we insist on holding onto what was...knowing that we didn't want it when we had it or would ever want it again?

So, to you, My Dear Angel, please accept my sincerest apologies for the role that I played in the difficulties of your relationship. You deserve so much more than the toxic environment that we created and I wish you a lifetime of happiness and, if you so choose, a man that puts you before everything and everyone else. I love you, the kids love you, and we will miss you deeply. Thank you for impacting our lives with your love, patience, compassion, and beauty. You made all of us better people.