Season's Greetings Gen EXers!

Wishing all of you a safe and healthy holiday season!

In honour of the many game systems which will undoubtedly be given and received in the coming week...Enjoy!

13 One-Liners

With Christmas parties fast approaching, here are 13 of the most popular one-liners in regards to the idyllic institution known as marriage...

1.Getting married is like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want; then, when you see what the other person has, you wish you'd ordered that.

2.At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"The other replied, "Yes. I married the wrong man."

3.Before a man is married, he is incomplete. Then when he is married, he is finished.

4.Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's status.

5.A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying for it."

6.Young son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some countries, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"Dad: "That happens in most countries, son."

7.Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and then it was too late."

8.A happy marriage is a matter of give and take. The husband gives and the wife takes. (Genders reversible)

9.In the first year of marriage, the man speaks, and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks, and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak, and the neighbors listen.
10.After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

11.A man inserted a classified ad: "Wife Wanted". The next day, he received hundreds of letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

12.When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car or his wife is new.

13.A woman was telling her friend: "It is I who made my husband a millionaire.""And what was he before you married him?" the friend asked.The woman replied, "A multimillionaire."

The Law of Attraction - Refrigerator Style

Kids Come First

Before & After

My Dear Angel

Oh my goodness...I have been atrociously delinquent in my blogging lately. My apologies...but it was so much fun to be off in my own little introspective world while away on holidays for much of July.

Given that more rain has fallen this summer than in the past 70 or so, it was only fitting that I spend many of my holiday hours reading...again. With my personal life transitions comes an unquenchable thirst for knowledge, and what better way to suffice it than to wrap oneself in a warm blanket, snuggle into a Muskoka Chair, and dive head first (or more often heart first) into a great book.

My personal favourite, and a recommended MUST READ, is Spiritual Divorce, by Debbie Ford. Find it on Amazon.com here: http://www.amazon.com/Spiritual-Divorce-Catalyst-Extraordinary-Life/dp/0062516957 It enlightened me, literally, as it took many pounds of emotional baggage off of my heart and soul. The basic premise? How to take a bad situation and allow it to transform your life in a POSITIVE way.

Since finishing the book, my perception has changed on many different levels. Once ashamed and intrinsically tied up with the title of being separated or divorced, I now feel able to stand free from my negativity and to make the choice to see my marriage as an extraordinary gift. I thought I did before, but this book forced me to come out from hiding and it showed me that I was still tied to my old life in ways that not only were unhealthy for me, but for everyone involved.

Recently, I had the good fortune to enjoy a conversation with my ex's ex (that sounds sort of convoluted...they were together for nearly 3 years after we separated and have just recently parted ways). Although I was always very receptive and appreciative of this woman, whom I often referred to as my Angel (extraordinary doesn't even begin to cover how great she is...what an incredible gift for all of us to have a loving, nurturing female presence in the lives of my children when I couldn't be with them...to have her as a parenting partner with their dad offered me more solace than I can explain), I was refusing to acknowledge that my unhealthy relationship with my ex was like a 3rd person in their relationship. How unfair for her to have to co-exist with the ghost of me!!

How many relationships are suffering the same fate right now? The angels that come into our lives when we are wounded, scared, untrusting, defensive, callous, and skeptical...And despite our walls, they stick it out and excavate our hearts and souls from their situational prisons. Why should these people come second to the unhealthy shadow of the past? Why do we insist on holding onto what was...knowing that we didn't want it when we had it or would ever want it again?

So, to you, My Dear Angel, please accept my sincerest apologies for the role that I played in the difficulties of your relationship. You deserve so much more than the toxic environment that we created and I wish you a lifetime of happiness and, if you so choose, a man that puts you before everything and everyone else. I love you, the kids love you, and we will miss you deeply. Thank you for impacting our lives with your love, patience, compassion, and beauty. You made all of us better people.

Frogs on a Log

Five frogs are sitting on a log. Four decide to jump off. How many are left?

Answer: Five.

Why?

Because there's a difference between deciding and doing.

Mark L. Feldman & Michael F. Spratt, 'Five Frogs on a Log'

I've been reading again. A lot. My interest in delving into the theory of divorce as a platform for growth and spiritual awakening has made for some sleepless nights. I admit it. I've been converted.

A few years ago, when my separation was fresh and my wounds were deep, I intellectually decided that I was going to approach my divorce as a catalyst for growth and as the kick in the pants I needed to grow up and take responsibility for myself.

In reality, that ended up being lip service. It was pretty easy to hide behind my self-affixed labels and bask in the pity and occasional misery that surfaced. And while there was some growth and a definite imprint on the back of my pants, I have only recently been able to see that I've been avoiding my decision to let this divorce change my life for the better.

Time to change that. So today, with all of you as my witness, I am not deciding to be better.

I am better.



What will you choose to do?

We Are NOT Alone...

Recently divorced and feeling alone? Statistics show that Generation EX is many members strong!

Here's a sampling of some of the most recently available statistics on marriage and divorce in Canada:

About 48.5% of the adult population in Canada was married in 2006 (as opposed to single, separated, divorced, widowed or living in common law). This is the first known time in Canadian history that the percentage was under half; according to CanWest News Service, the figure was 50.1% in 2001 and more than 60% during the 1980s.

The number of marriages in the country was 149,236 in 2006 -- down nearly 2,000 from the previous year, but up from 148,585 in 2004.

In 2006, there were 1,629,490 divorced Canadians -- or about 5% of the population. 941,306 (well over half) of the divorcees were female.

As of 2006, there were 1,414,060 single-parent families in Canada -- or approximately 15.9% of all families. Of the lone-parent families, 1,132,290 were headed by the mother. In 1971, the number was approximately 476,300.

There were 70,828 divorces in 2003 -- down from 71,144 in 2000.

More than one-third of marriages in Canada will end in divorce before the thirtieth anniversary.

A recent study from the National Population Health Survey shows that men between the ages of 20 and 64 are six times as likely to suffer from depression if they were divorced or separated, than if they stayed married. For women, the figure is 3.5 times as likely for the divorced or separated.

According to the same NPHS survey, 43% of women who have undergone a marital breakup (divorce or separation) had a substantial decrease in household income, while 15% of separated or divorced men had a financial decline.

(Source: Statistics Canada)

Single? Time to Mingle!

Marriages and Mortgages

From one of my favourite divorce resource on the web (www.divorcemag.com) comes today's blog. Enjoy!

Of Marriages and Mortgages
By Michael Beninger

I've always felt statistics were a lot like the Bible: keep looking long enough and you're going to find something that proves you're absolutely right. But no matter how skeptical you are about statistics, there is little doubt that divorce is on the rise.
Then again, so is marriage, which only makes sense, if you think about it. There's bound to be more marriages if everybody is doing it two or three times. Just look at what California alone does to the average.

Now, the most commonly quoted statistic is that half of all marriages end in divorce. They don't say how the other half end, but death is a good bet. In any event, if you have 10 married couples as friends, chances are that five of them are going to hit the skids sometime. Not a very comforting thought, to be sure. But perhaps the problem lies in our expectations: "Till death do us part." Forever. Without end. Anything less and it's total failure. Maybe this is the wrong attitude. What about treating a marriage somewhat like a mortgage?

You remember back 30 years or so? A mortgage was at 6% for 25 years. Simple. You locked in, and didn't get out until you were almost dead. Times were much simpler then, and so were mortgages.
Look at today. You may enter into a mortgage with a 25-year amortization, but there is a five-year term. At the end of the term, you sit down and negotiate the next period of time. If you can't reach an agreement, you switch institutions.
You start out fully intending to go the distance, but there are milestones that give both sides a chance to take a second look. At 27 years of age, you thought Royal Bank was the only bank for you. But now, at 32, the Toronto Dominion bank is looking rather fetching.

Using this sort of system, marriage failures would be greatly lessened. In order to succeed, you'd only have to make it to the first re-negotiation point. If it doesn't work out, you cut a new deal.
And just like the mortgage business, things may be a little different when re-negotiation time rolls around. In the mortgage business, the interest rates may be sky high, so you only go for a year to eighteen months. Well, maybe that's all she's willing to agree to, now that she's seen what you look like in the morning, or knows what happens after you eat cabbage rolls.

You see, marriage has been for forever for, well, forever. It hasn't adapted, hasn't moved with the times. Heck, cars used to last 20 years. You see any carmakers offering 20-year warranties these days? No siree! They've come to understand the temporary nature of today's society, and build their cars accordingly.

Under this new system of marriage, we wouldn't hear so much about rising rates of divorce. People would talk about a couple they know, and say, "They were a very successful couple. They re-negotiated three times, and finally got out of it with a lump sum payment."

Michael Beninger is a freelance writer living in Victoria, B.C. He has had two wives, one divorce, and numerous mortgages.

Laughter IS the Best Medicine...

A throw back to my days in the beer industry...Thanks to Tony King for this laugh today!

Taking Care of Your Home

In the hands of an

EXperienced Real Estate Facilitator (that's me!),

you can expect a focus on:

1. Bridging the Communication Gap - Can't stand to be in the same room with eachother, let alone sit and have a civilized conversation about the options with your home? Let my non-judgemental and unbiased experience put your mind to rest. I'm not there to choose sides...Just to facilitate co-operation and find a win-win solution for your family.

2. EXtra Knowledge About Family Law - Wondering what your legal rights are with your home? I can answer those questions with straight forward terminology. No uppity legal jargon...just common sense.

3. Creative Options With Your Home - You have many options when you decide to separate or divorce. Selling your home does not need to be one of them. I can provide you with individual solutions and advise you on what may work best for your specific situation. Need a short term rental? I can help with that, too.

4. Out-Of-The-Box Financing Options - Starting over from scratch without decent credit? There are solutions for you, designed specifically for people coming out of a separation or divorce. Need to refinance? Asset swap? Let me introduce you to the top Mortgage professionals who will take care of your specific needs.

5. Reduce the Stress and Eliminate the Shame - Chances are, you're feeling like scum right now. You may feel alone, misunderstood, vulnerable, pissed off beyond all comprehension, vengeful, inside out, ashamed, and embarrassed. It may feel like everyone is looking at you differently, talking behind your back...whispering, gossiping, insinuating... Sucks, huh? That doesn't need to be the case AT ALL. You are in a position that is NO DIFFERENT from at least 30% of the population.

It is all about your mind set and the mind set of those around you. If you want to feel and be stronger, surround yourself with people who see you that way...people (like me!) who specialize in understanding grief and in respecting it for what it is. My role, as a Real Estate Facilitator, is to be strong with you and for you...to eliminate the negative stigma that comes with the sale of a home due to divorce. In the wrong hands, your home becomes a distress sale. Un-savvy sales representatives are quick to give away motivation and, in turn, get you less money. Less money often means more stress.

The Bottom Line:

Proper Marketing of Your Home

+ Special Understanding of Your Specific Situation

= More Money and Less Stress for You and Your Family

How I Can Help YOU?

As I'm sitting at my desk, enjoying my first cup of coffee after my best attempt at a work out, I continue to ponder. At my office, we are very fortunate to have a 1200 sqft gym available to us, and I try to get myself in there as often as time permits. As I cursed through the first 25 minutes on the elliptical, my mind wandered as to my responsibilities and genuine intention for Generation EX.

In between sips, I glance over to the wall beside me. There, hanging at eye level, is a mirror surrounded by the painted words, "You are just perfect." To some, that may seem vain, to others, it may seem humourous. To me, it serves as a constant reminder that there's nobody else on this planet that does a better job at being me. So, yeah, I guess if you think about it, I'm pretty darned perfect at being me. Somebody else could try to be me, but I don't know if they'd succeed with the proper blend of personal life experience, practical University education, or professional Real Estate standards or training. That's what makes us all different...all with something UNIQUE to offer.

When I speak to my EX-pertise, I speak from my personal experience with the heart wrenching realities of separation and divorce. As individuals, we are given the privilege (or more often, the curse) of being intensely aware of what it is that makes us who we are or qualifies us to do or be anything. I do not claim to be an expert in anyone's life but my own, but I genuinely believe that my accumulated blend of experience...personal, practical and professional...is a valuable service for others who are facing a separation or divorce and require some no-nonsense help with their Real Estate needs.

I am a 3rd generation Gen EX'er. My grandparents separated, my parents divorced, my mother and father went on to separate from other marriages, and aunts, uncles, and friends have all deeply affected me by their own separations. I'm also an EX wife, EX lover, EX friend, EX homeowner, EX step daughter, and on and on and on...So when it comes to helping you, I honestly feel like I'm qualified to understand - even if just a little, since no one can truly envelop all of your emotions and experiences.

I'm also a Realtor (Sales Representative, to all of my fellow agents who may be policing this blog). I was a closet Realtor for many years...often helping friends and family to find their homes...and finally chose to put my passion to good use a few years ago. I really love what I do. I can hardly think of anything more rewarding than helping a family, first time home buyer, or a couple in marital distress to find the best solution for their needs. Each and every client I meet has a unique set of needs, and the challenge to meet those needs is what I enjoy the most.

So, when it comes down to it, I'm the girl who's had her heart broken just enough times to learn. I'm the girl who went to university and studied how to help people. I'm the girl who happens to love working in Real Estate and I want to put my experience to work for you.

My genuine intention for Generation EX is to help you with my unique blend of personal, practical and professional experience. Maybe you don't need to sell your home or buy another one right now. Maybe you'd just appreciate some no-nonsense advice on what some of your real estate options are. Maybe you'd just like to know of a great website that has some valuable content and a list of caring individuals who want to help you, too. The choice is yours.

-Skye

Happy Monday

Good Monday Morning Generation Ex-ers!

Well, it's been a week or so since generationEX.ca has been up and running, and I'm proud to report that it's being well received by Barrie and the surrounding area.

For the past several weeks, I've been reading "The Law of Attraction" by Jack Canfield, and have been attempting to submerse myself in the belief that my efforts to help people will expand and grow into more and more services for them. And guess what? It is! Within hours of launching generationEX.ca, I was contacted by several people who have the same goal as me...to help individuals and families through their separation or divorce transition. So, as alone as you may feel at times, be reassured that there are people working feverishly to help YOU.

As we grow, I will introduce you to these other services, and perhaps they will provide their own thoughts, experiences, and insight on this Blog.

Any comments or questions? Let's hear em!

Looking to be more discreet? Contact me directly at info@generationEX.ca.

Welcome to Generation EX!

in-au-gu-ral: adjective "marking the beginning of a new venture, series, etc; initial; first"

Well, that pretty much sums up the premise of this blog entry. This is the inaugural blog for Generation EX...a blog and website intended for those of us who are members of this ever growing, yet transitional, sect of society - folks just like you and me who have gone through a separation or divorce or know someone who is. People who have felt the sense of segregation from a world of status quo and coupledom.

Generation EX has great aspirations to grow and flourish. It fully intends to provide a stadium for us, its members, to feel a part of an overlooked segment of society. For many, we feel like we are being swept under the rug...Many old friends and colleauges are suddenly unsure of what to say, or how to say it, and we are often left feeling isolated from what once was familiar. But what is clear is this: With nearly 1/3 of marriages ending in divorce, we are NOT alone!

As we transition together through our time as members of Generation EX, I'll do my darnedest to provide you with the latest and greatest (and hopefully relevant!) articles, information, personal stories, and some much needed humour. Your comments and input will be what makes this blog truly interesting, so bring em on!